I have come in contact with a large amount of free time, and well, I tire of watching Adam West doing his batman thing.
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Logic part 6
A FOMT Fanfic, by yours truly
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Revealed! Why the Harvest Sprites like flour!
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Jack considered how to pull this off without getting ink. With cheap development these days, Jack got two suits that he was ever allowed to wear, his cheap farm suit, and his nice suit, and there was no way he was geting his nice suit dirty for this. But he could be sneaky, he could be like Star Lily Bandit Girl. Then he remembered that she was probably the figment of some fat nerd who sat around at home, looking for weird things to do to girls. Harris had made everything so confusing. He had two options. He could do it, Carter would bless him, he would be able to talk to the Harvest Goddess. But then she would hate him for the next thousand years or so. He could not do it, but then, he would be in the same predicament that he was in before. That Hamlet guy had it easy. He needed advice, Gotz wouldn't help him, Gotz wasn't smart. Jack then realized that there were always more options. That was what some famous dead guy had said. He would look for a third option. Jack found that third option, in the form of Harvest sprites.
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Chef had the line of flour ready to go, he got out his straw and snuffed the white powder. And in that instant, all seemed to dissolve. Bliss. And then Jack knocked on the door and Chef had wasted a line of flour. Chef opened the door, slightly irritated.
"Yes?"
"Chef, I need you to do a favor."
And with that, Jack told Chef what to do. Chef agreed, after a promise of flour.
Jack went home confident that Chef would get the job done. The next morning however, he found Chef knocked out in front of his house. He woke Chef up, and Chef had apparently used all the flour that night. He hated sprites sometimes. He needed another option. He had run out of flour. He couldn't get anyone else to do it. It was time to be sneaky. He would pretend to give up the Harvest Goddess then get Gotz to get the Kappa to get him a solution!
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"Er, Gotz?"
"Yes Jack?"
"I need help."
"This better not have anything to do with the Goddess."
"It doesn't I assure you. You see, there is a person called A, who wants to drop ink on the person called B for the person called C, so that C can give A a blessing so that A can hook up with B."
Gotz stared in disbelief at Jack for a moment.
"Jack, how stupid do you think I am?"
Jack decided not to answer, it seemed like a loaded question. He was smart!
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10 seconds later, Jack's "smartness" had gotten him thrown out of Gotz's hut.

Jack stood himself up, he needed a plan. Then he encountered the Kappa.
"Hello mortal, what are you looking at me for?"
"Er, uh, hi!"
"Mortal, are you the one by the name of 'Jack'?"
Jack thought about this, his mother had always taught him to tell the truth, honesty was the best policy. Jack nodded.
"good, I was getting tired of beating up those fish, being a deity is tough, you just smack a fish and it goes flying clear across the pond, doesn't even stand up after wards. But humans, I get at least three in before their bones go collapsing in some horribly painful dehydration process. You know, one by one, they just splinter, sticking out of the flesh, its supposed to hurt. But, I wouldn't want to keep you waiting, I don't like it when you hit on my girl."
Kappa cracked his knuckles to prove his point.
Jack nodded. Honesty was the policy that would get his ass whooped, real fast too. He could beat this guy, he believed in himself. He bought into the hype. He could be like that Demon King fellow! Yeah! Then he remembered that Harris had corrected him. That meant it was time to do what he was good at. He began running like a pansy.
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TO BE CONTINUED!!!
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I love my diabolus ex machina technique. It works wonders!
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Logic part 7
A FOMT Fanfic, by yours truly
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Jack continued to run like a pansy. He was good at it. But, he was facing down a deity. Kappa was slowly catching up to him. Jack needed a plan. Then, as though the Harvest Goddess herself wished Jack to find it, Jack remembered his water pistol! Harris had never taken it away. Kappa didn't know it wasn't real, and with that thought, Jack turned around.
"Stop! I'll shoot!" Jack shouted at the top of his lungs, aiming the gun at Kappa's head.
The Kappa stopped, obediently. A bullet to the head was at least painful, even to deities. Nothing could really ignore large amounts of bullets in one's head.
"OK, now put your hands above your head, no tricks! I'll shoot!" Jack shouted again, the Kappa was obedient again. And Jack was in complete control, he was smart, maybe he didn't need Gotz. His ego went wild, Kappa wanted to beat him up, eh?
"So Kappa? What was all that about smacking me half over Mineral town? I mean, you sure are strong, getting beaten by a tiny gun, eh?"
"Er, yeah, sure."
"Well, it looks like the tables have turned, eh? Now look who's in charge. Want to beat me up, eh? Well, holes in your head have a way of stopping that."
"Now, mortal, don't do anything hasty."
" I have a name! But, you obviously don't deserve to be privileged to speak it, call me 'Master'."
But, as the big-headed often do, Jack made a mistake. He accidentally squeezed the trigger. Water fell onto Kappa's face, all squirmed up, expecting something a bit worse. And, so the tables turned again.
"Er, you wouldn't happen to be one of those guys who melts at the touch of water, would you?"
"I live in a pond, which will soon be red with your blood." The Kappa said, he had been angered.
"So, mortal, you expect to stop me with this?" Kappa said, reaching out his hand to grab Jack's gun, crushing it in his grip. And then, an angelic voice shouted to him.
"Jack, you idiot! Bow!"
Jack did so. The Kappa, being held by those moronic rules of the book, followed suit. And as he did, the water on his head spilled out, rendering him unconscious. Jack was saved. He looked around to see his liberator. It was...
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Like I would really let you know on the same post?
TO BE CONTINUED!!!

N2G, am I ever predictable? Oh fine, I'll be a bit predictable, let's just say the water gun hasn't been fully utilized. Foreshadowing RULES!
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Logic part 8
A FOMT Fanfic, by yours truly
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The voice was revealed to be... Basil? Jack was confused, but he had sort of gotten used to the feeling. He began thanking Basil.
"Jack, get off the ground. I saved your life so get up, now."
Jack got up obediently.
"But, how did you know?"
"I'm Maria's father, I read books, and Kappa was in one of them, he is forced to bow, and he dehydrates himself that way."
"Well, thanks, I best be goi-"
"Jack, you don't think I saved your life for altruistic reasons, did you?"
"Er,"
"Well, I didn't, I want a favor."
Jack knew where this was heading, he would need to find some odd item after going through some horrid dungeon to obtain it. Then there was the boss fight. Much to Jack's amazement, Basil continued with something a bit odder.
"I need you to go cover the church in fish. I'll give you the fish. Carter has been a bit too high and mighty over the past few days."
And again, Jack was stuck with a dilemma, but this time, he was also stuck with a bucket of fish. He could do the fish thing, but then he would anger Carter, he might anger the Harvest Goddess, and he would never get the blessing. But he had to, because Basil had just saved his life. Yet, he still needed to pour ink in the Goddess's pond, making her angry for sure. Jack had to stop going into town, it led to nothing but trouble. He needed a way to get out of this situation. Suddenly he knew a way, Kai, Kai was smart. At least, he was smarter than Jack. However, Kai was running a café, and ,as such, Jack was met with a pie to the face upon entering Kai's shack during daylight.
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After scraping off the remainder of the pie, Jack told his dilemma to Kai. Kai gave him a solution, after apologizing for the pie. Jack had to kidnap Maria, Jack would offer to give her back if Basil wouldn't ask him to do the fish thing. At very least, it would show Basil how desperate Jack was, not to do the fish thing. Jack decided to do it, he put on the one inch mask around the eyes which somehow makes it impossible for anyone to know your true identity, and he set off.
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Five seconds later, he was staring down two barrels of a shotgun pointed at his face. He had forgotten that Maria had gotten married. He decided that that wasn't a water gun. He didn't want to take a chance.

Jack was staring down a barrel of a shotgun, and Gray didn't look happy. Jack's mind raced, how would he get out of this one. He was smart.
"Er, trick-or-treat?"
"What?"
"Trick-or-treat, this is Halloween, isn't it?"
"No, that's in two months."
"Really? I could've sworn it was today."
"It isn't even fall! It's still August!"
What followed was a heated debate as to whether or not it was, in fact, Halloween, then Gray finally brought out his calendar and Jack was defeated. At least he had put the gun down.
"Well, er, I better get going."
And Jack ran off before Gray got his shotgun out again. Jack was smart. That was when he found out that the Kappa had gotten water back in his head.
"Hello, mortal, sorry I had to put it off, but I feel that right now is the most convenient time to beat you to something horribly soft and squishy that the fish can eat without the use of teeth."
Jack was smart, he bowed.
Kappa restrained a bow.
Jack was confused, even more than before.
"Ah, you are probably wondering as to why I'm not bowing, well, I'm a deity, and as such, I tied this long rod to my back, preventing me from hunching over. Well, enough of that, time to beat you to a pulp."
"Can't we resolve this without violence? You know, peaceful like?"
"No, I feel violent, now be quiet mortal, I like my punching bags silent."
"Er, what about peace? What about culture? What about hugging the trees?"
"I'm not a hippy either mortal, now be quiet."
Jack knew when the advantage was his.
"Or what? You're going to hit me? You will just beat me to a soft thing no matter what I do! I mine as well make you miserable."
"Please shut up."
"I have nothing to lose! Woohoo! The result will be the same, I can't do anything to change it! I'm going to die! Woohoo! Harsh inevitability here I come! And all thanks to you, you who resort to violence to solve problems because you aren't smart enough to speak! You're sure smart. I mean, I wish I could flee from logic like a pansy!"
"You're boring."
And with that, the Kappa slugged Jack, sending him skidding across the town, he only stopped when he came to Barley's farm, which he crashed into. Jack was confused again. The annoying thing was going so well. Then a single thought struck Jack. He wasn't going to run anymore. He was going to stand fast. He wouldn't budge. He had run long enough. Kappa would know the wrath of Jack. And so, as Kappa ran up to slug Jack again, they both knew. Jack wasn't going to be pushed around anymore, he was taking a stand. He moved his head around to stretch his neck, with the sharp cracks of his muscles. He hadn't gotten those ten powerberries for nothing. He motioned to Kappa to bring it on.
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TO BE CONTINUED!!!

Well, can't make you guys wait forever.
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Logic part 9
A FOMT Fanfic, by yours truly
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In which, Jack becomes airborne
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Jack was ready for an all-out fight with the Kappa. He charged with a wild rage of frenzy, whacking Kappa first with his hoe, then with his axe, then with his hoe again. All he heard was a variety of metal thunks. As the dust cleared, Kappa was still there, standing, somewhat unphased by the entire incident.
"Mortal, you cease to amuse me."
And with that, Jack had his first flying lesson, as Kappa gave him a head start and flung him into the air. Jack didn't land. He was smart, he stayed up there for a while hanging on a tree branch, he was smart. Kappa couldn't reach him. Thanks to that pole, Kappa couldn't bend to reach him. He was happy. Kappa waited there. Jack waited there. Kappa decided to go back to his pond, Jack had ceased to be amusing. Jack came down as Kappa left his sight range. He needed a way to get out of this. And as he began running home, he met Thomas, he was holding a bunch of papers.
"Jack, I heard about you, and I thought you should see this."
Thomas handed the papers over to Jack, the first was titled "Ode to how much I hate farmers".
Jack read on.
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After reading 59 stanzas talking about how much hate the Harvest Goddess had for all farmers everywhere, Jack trudged home with a defeated attitude. The Harvest Goddess hated him. She hated farmers. Jack was sad. She had cited his name 17 different times. The woman he loved hated him. He got home and slumped into his chair. He got his mail and began flipping through it, looking for job options.
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Jack was flipping through a catalogue telling how much they would give Jack for some of his vital organs. Jack could be an organ donor. He had organs. Farming was just too hard. Jack began measuring his right leg, to see how long it was, they paid 2 dollars an inch, when something that was bright and colorful and had the Harvest Goddess on it fell to the floor. Carter was inviting Jack to his wedding, he was marrying the Harvest Goddess.
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DUN DUN DUN!!!
TO BE CONTINUED!!!
Eh, Butter, you may get angry for what I might do to Carter, prepare for Carter to live a , more interesting life than before after this story.