Rivals parts 1-
by Ziggyme
Good morning! And here's the Fanfic I promised, and I blame all the blame that could come from this for being a bad fic on N2G and Lincoln.
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Won wins (Amusing, no?) part 1
A FOMT Fanfic, by yours truly.
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"So can you help me?"
"No."
"But you always help people!"
"Rick, there are some problems even I can't fix."
"Hey! You're the genius!"
"Rick, your problems are over my head."
"Gotz, you always solve Jack's problems!"
"Well, Jack's problems don't involve breaking several federal laws whilst trying to evade capture by the CIA, not to mention the whole nuclear thing."
"But!"
"No buts, I can't help you, sorry."
"Well, I'll take my business elsewhere."
"Such as? Where? I'm the resident genius! I fix the problems, if I can't solve it, who can?"
"Well, there's a new guy in town. He claims he can solve problems, better than you too."
"Uh-huh." Gotz jus' kinda leaned back, nothing he hadn't heard of before. Jack had tried it at one time.
"His name is Won."
And Gotz kinda shot up in his seat, Won, that devil, he had run Gotz out of flowerbud village! Not very pleasant. Gotz rubbed his hide as a not so fond memory appeared. This would be trouble.
Meh, title change. You think YOU guys can tear around with relationships! HA! *Laughs maniacally* Oh, and I will take the focus off Jack for a bit. He has lost his title as protagonist. I have to be fair, I need to make other people miserable.
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Rivals part 2
A FOMT Fanfic, by yours truly.
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And so, this fic begins.
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Really, no bloody prologue.
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Won set up his shop. Yup, this was sure a gullible town with money. He would see how much money he could relieve the town of 'honestly'. He was an honest man, depending on your definition of honest. Assuming you didn't cross analyze the words, they were true. Usually anyways. But Won shouldn't be thinking that sort of thing. He put on his happy fake smile as Barley walked up.
"Hello Won, er, I have an, er, eh, question."
"Yes, what is it? Remember, no request is turned down."
"Er, well, I've been thinking, and what I need is another wife."
"Ok, have you found one yet? I have a couple prospective ones, Ellen is about your age, and-"
"No, I know who I want."
"Well, who is this lucky lady?"
"Er, well, its embarrassing,"
"Come now, nothing is turned down."
"It's Popurri."
This old geezer really expected a chick to fall for a fossil like him! Well, work was work.
"Ok, I have a solution, a thousand gold up front, and I will ensure you will win the girl of your dreams."
"OK,"
Barley handed over the cash. Everybody was nice and honest in Mineral Town.
Won bent over and whispered it into Barley's ear. Won knew it was a good one. He knew because Barley's face turned beet red after hearing it.
"You're sure this will work?"
"Certain, don't they always?"
"Well, yes you would be the one to trust."
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Barley was walking along when he approached Popurri's house. Popurri was just enjoying a cup of tea, waiting for Kai to come around, when she heard a loud crash.
"Holy Heart Failure! (Adam West PWNS!)" Barley shouted, as he continued to bash the stone against the pavement, creating large sound effects, and shouting other classics lines just erring from actual curses, it was a rated E game after all. Barley continued his bashing of the stone then stopped as he saw Popurri coming out. He sprinkled on some of the red food coloring and picked his scab, to mingle some real stuff in there. Then he covered himself with a bit of dust.
"Oh, Help! HELP!!"
And Popurri came running over.
"Oh, my, are you hurt?"
"Yes, please, my leg!"
Barley enjoyed the fact that he had accidentally bashed his leg a week ago. Won said it would be all the more convincing.
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Barley was doing his thing. Kai was doing his.
"Thanks Jeff." Kai said, as he bought his purchase.
"Yeah, Kai, good luck, I hope she accepts!"
"Thanks, I hope so to."
What followed was a lengthy conversation about how love conquered all things and clichéd botch like that, which almost never worked if you put it to the test, that sort of thing. And so, after Kai rambled on, Jeff eventually ran in, he apparently had to inspect something which he couldn't tell Kai the name of. Kai went off. He knew she would accept, he knew it. Kai had been dating Popurri for years. It had just been a matter of getting around to doing it. And confidently, he walked off, ignorant completely and utterly that an old geezer was hitting on his girl.
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Jus' let the tension build.
Apparently I have free time, and I'll try not to be predictable.
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Barley was on a roll, Popuri was tending to him. She was a good nurse. He decided to spring the question on her.
"Popuri, you're so nice, May likes you, and, well, I've been a bit lonely, and so, maybe we could have dinner tomorrow night? I can have the leg fixed up by then."
Won said it would work, the Florence Nightingale effect should take place any moment, or maybe it already had. anyways, Barley had already filled Popuri with all that mush about how you had to look deeper into people. That outer appearances didn't matter. All that rot. Then he filled her in about the war efforts which hadn't really taken place, and how he was one of the people to really stop the Cold War. Some rot about being a top-secret government spy.
"Well, Barley, that's a nice proposal i think I'll take it-"
Then someone bursts in.
It was... Saibara.
"Barley?" Saibara said, somewhat confused. Rick had told him some rot about how Popuri loved P grade eggs. Hence his basket.
But before Saibara could sulk, another person entered into the equation, Kai was in.
"Popuri, I was thinking about it and I- Saibara, Barley, what are you guys doing here?" Kai was startled. Barley was lying on his back with Popuri over him, and Saibara had what looked like a gift for Popuri.
"Hi Kai!" Popuri said, in her usual cheery voice.
Saibara was silent as most blacksmith's were.
Kai stared at Saibara, waiting an explanation. Kai recieved a whacked out confession of Saibara's undying love for Popuri.
"But, Saibara,I thought you were in love with Ellen?" Kai asked, a bit fuddled.
"It was naught but a boyish fancy."
"You're a bloody old man!"
"Er,"
"Kai! Don't talk that way!" Popuri had intervened.
"OW! OW!" Barley shouted, thinking that his moment was slipping.
"Oh, Barley, are you alright?" Popuri had gone back to Barley. "Boys, leave Barley be, if you can't work this out, go outside and let poor Barley rest in peace."
Kai and Saibara walked outside.
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Kai waited outside. Saibara had gone home a while ago. And he was bout to head home when Popuri came to him.
"Now Kai, what was this all about?"
this was Kai's moment, maybe everything bad that had happened to him could be made up, if only Popurri accepted. And so He showed Popuri the blue feather. Popuri let out a gasp, then stifled it. Kai was fuddled, once again.
"Popuri?"
"I'm sorry Kai, I think that I love Barley."
"Barley?"
"Yes, he's a sweet old man. I'm sorry Kai, I hope we can still be friends. It's just, I see something in Barley, you don't have anything, you maraud all year. I need stability. I hope we can still be friends."
And in true soap opera fashion, Kai sulked his way home, without saying a word. That night as he dumped out the contents of his sack, he saw the blue feather, and he slowly crushed it with his foot. It was swiftly dampened in silent tears. Maybe he needed a nights rest. Maybe, but probably not.
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And no, my characters won't imitate Beelz's for revenge.
Nice stuff! Hehehe, I love abusing poor innocent characters. And no, this won't turn out like Beelz's.
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Rivals
A FOMT Fanfic, by yours truly part 3
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Kai was wallowing in self pity. He wanted to get Barley so badly. He wanted to hurt him with hard objects. Then Kai remembered that he always resorted to violence. That was what he did, he was a bloody pirate. With that in mind, he marched over to Barley's house.
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"Barley?" Kai asked waiting for the old man to come out. Kai wanted to introduce Barley to the inner workings of his fist. He considered that it might be external, but with the beating Barley was about to receive, it might as well be internal, that was how much Kai would be using his fist. Barley answered.
"Why, hello Kai, is there something I can do for you?"
"Stay away from Popuri."
"Now, I'm afraid I can't do that."
"Well, then I shall give you a gift."
"Eh, what's this now." Barley had thought Kai would be bitter.
"Yes, I thought I could give you a knuckle sandwich!" Kai said, that line had been overused by so many Adam West shows, but he was a pirate, that was what pirates did. But he didn't want to seem unoriginal, so he added, "Then I'll feed your mangled corpse to various sea creatures with sharp teeth! Oh, this would be after the thorough beating of your head with Jack's thrill hammer."
Barley swiftly pulled a pistol out of his pocket.
"Now, I think you may want to reconsider that offer."
Kai backed away. His fist wasn't getting him through this. Barley was smiling. Won had said that he should get a gun. It was what smart people did. Yes, Won was smart.
Kai walked off, sulking again. Popuri had been stolen from him. She had been the center of his existence, now, gone. He walked home, restraining tears.
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Kai heard a knock at the door. He ignored it. It happened again. He had all intentions of taking out his stress on this innocent passerby, when he saw Jack's cheerful face.
"Hi Kai!" Jack said cheerfully. He was cheerful when he wasn't dodging marriage.
"Er, hi, Jack, what do you want? I'm in a bad mood so if you want food you'll have to wait until tomorrow."
Jack of course was a good friend, as such, he heard Kai's plight. Kai explained all. Kai asked if Jack would ask Gotz. Jack said he would. Jack went off to ask Gotz.
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Jack returned about an hour later, because an exact hour would seem far to convenient.
"How's Gotz?"
"Er,"
"Well?"
"He's away."
"WHAT?"
"Well, his mother was sick or something. But we have the best next solution!"
"And what would that be?"
"We still have me!"
"Oh Goddess..."
"Hey! I've gotten you out of bad situations before!"
"Jack the last time I listened to you involved me getting drunk and Carter condemning me to whatever the equivalent to hell is in this religion."
"But this one is sure to work!"
Kai argued with Jack a bit more. His brain wasn't working, Gotz was gone. It seemed it was just him and Jack.
"Hey, hear it first."
"Alright."
"OK, I heard Barley has a gun, all you need to do is make him show it in front of Popuri, after that, Popuri will see that you're willing to fight for her, and she will think that Barley is very violent, pulling a gun on you and all."
Kai thought he should give it a try. Nothing else had worked. It seemed half-rational.
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This plot may thicken, depending on how much flour I add. TO BE CONTIINUED! (You can tell its good when it's spelled with two 'I's!)
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Rivals
A FOMT Fanfic, by yours truly part 4
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Jack apparently had a plan. Kai decided to run in the opposite direction as fast as possible. The last plan hadn't worked, and he didn't have any higher hopes of this one. Hence his fleeing like it from the plague.
"Er, Jack, I just remembered, I forgot to give the Sprites the line of flour I promised them. I better run over there now." And before Jack could say a word, Kai ran, much akin to the wind, only not as fast. And Jack stayed there, waiting like the those New Englanders, despite the fact that the Red Sox won't win the World Series no matter how much they hope.
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Kai ran, he didn't run anywhere in particular. He just ran. And consequently, he ran into Saibara. Saibara looked aggressive.
"Why, hello you filthy fish-friend!"
"Er, hi Saibara, why the aggressive stance?" Kai said innocently.
"Oh, I just felt that since you stole my woman, and since Barley has a gun, I should eliminate one of you, you're just easier. so if you don't mind I'll just bash your head in, allowing your brains to become mottled like a fish in a food processor." And with that, Saibara showed Kai his weapons of choice, his two blacksmithing hammers, capable of smashing large pillars of stones into very small particles. Kai didn't feel like his fists were getting him anywhere today. He couldn't beat up Barley, he couldn't beat up Saibara, the balance of power was horribly incorrect. With that in mind, he ran, but not nearly as much akin to a pansy as Jack, for Jack was a professional in that area.
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After circling Mineral Town several times, Kai was slowing down. Saibara was faster than he looked. With that in mind, Saibara came a bit too close and swiped at Kai with a hammer. Kai went skidding, smashing into a house, which hurt, it being solid and all. Solid things often hurt. Kai slowly got up. He had had enough. He spat on the ground, his saliva thick with blood. Saibara wanted a fight, eh? He would get a fight. Kai was a pirate.
"You want to fight me, eh? Bring it on you old man! Come on you pansy! Bring it! Eh, too slow for the new age? I'll show you how to bloody fight!" And Kai charged Saibara, head on. Saibara hardly had time to slow down, as Kai tackled him, sending Saibara's hammer skidding. The odds were in his favor. What followed was a harsh 5 seconds of sheer violence. This violence was of such a kind that I can't describe it without violating TOS (Convenient ain't it?). Accompanying this were shouts of "So you want my girl, eh?" And "Die you drunken pansy!". And after Saibara had the snot beat out of him (Mind, not the crap, that is a completely different matter altogether), a single figure came out of the nearest building, which happened to be the hospital.
It was Elli, shouting at them for fighting. The two men got up and began wiping the dust off their shirts. Saibara began sulking home. Kai was about to walk home, when Elli caught him by the arm.
"Kai, why, I didn't know you cared."
"Er, what?" Kai said, dazed and confused.
"Why, I didn't know you thought I was worth fighting for. I didn't know you loved me that much." Elli sighed, in that feminine way that men can't do unless they want to be accused of bad things.
"Er, what?" Kai said, he was repeating himself.
"Well, I heard about your break-up with Popuri, and I heard that Jack was talking to you about something, it must've been about someone else, well, I just didn't know you cared that much."
"But, what about the doc? I thought he was hitched with you?"
"Oh, how sensitive you are to think of others before yourself. The Doctor has been a bit distracted lately, and well, he didn't fight for me. You really should be rewarded for secretly loving me all this time, but not wanting to hurt Popuri's feelings. You really are quite sweet."
And before Kai knew what was happening, he found Elli with her arms around his neck, in a way that made him fairly uncomfortable.
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Confusion, confusion!
TO BE CONTINUED!
Not desperate, my protagonists just get in situations which might seem like a very subtle way of hitting on them.
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Rivals
A FOMT Fanfic, by yours truly part 5
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Elli was wrapped around Kai's neck. Only one thought was going through his mind. That was "What if Popuri saw us?" It raced through his mind repeatedly. He didn't want Elli, Elli was a nice girl, but he only loved Popuri. He had always loved Popuri. Ever since he saw her, he had practically set up churches for the ground where she had walked. And now, she had deserted him, for Barley. He hoped she didn't see them. If she did, it would completely ruin any chance of them getting back together again. But of course, life is funny in its own way, which probably is only amusing to itself, as it is often cruel and sadistic. Kai caught Popuri in the corner of his eye. He didn't move, he heard somewhere that a Tyrannosaurus Rex couldn't see you if you didn't move at all. He hoped the same held true for Popuri. It didn't.
"Kai! I thought... I thought... Oh! Barley was right! You really WERE cheating on me! All this time. It hoguth you loved me, Kai? I HATE you!" And Popuri ran from the area, with tears beginning to form in her eyes. She had only wanted to stay with Barley for a bit. Barley had told her that Kai had been cheating on her. He had told her, but she refused to listen, now, now it seemed to be true. She fled, before she began weeping.
Kai stood there, completely paralyzed. The woman he loved had just said that she hated him. He had made Popuri unhappy. He would've jumped off a bridge right then and there, except, Thomas had been cheap and never actually built a competent bridge, the only ones around would probably crumble under his feet. Jack always pole-vaulted over the river to get to the mountain. But Elli had her arms around him, pretending nothing had happened.
"Oh Kai! You risked your relationship with Popuri to spend time with me?" She sighed again, both of her eyes gleaming up at him in the moonlight, she was enjoying herself. She evened out the feelings of sadness that Kai was feeling.
"I think Ellen still has that blue feather.. so... hint hint..." Elli whispered into his ear. She was a lot closer than made Kai comfortable. Kai slowly got her arms off of him, he muttered something about needing to prepare food for tomorrow. Then he ran back to his lodge. There was only one way to get out of this. Ask Gotz.
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"Hmm, you present a very interesting situation."
"Can you hook me back up with Popuri."
"I'll sleep on it."
Kai walked away, a bit unsure. Jack had said that Gotz was smart. Kai hoped Gotz would come up with a solution by morning. The only bit that was important was that Gotz had never gotten anyone married before. Of course, he had never had a chance to try. Kai hoped that Gotz was feeling up to getting him married. Gotz could do it. If he couldn't nobody could.
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DUN DUN DUN!
I'll just let the tension build...
TO BE CONTINUED!
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