Rivals parts 11-15

Sounds like Chef had too much flour.
What?
Seems good anyways. Sorry for lack of posting, I was worried that Nader wouldn't win, which he didn't...
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Rivals
A FOMT Fanfic, by yours truly
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Gotz was beating various things, which smell horrid under most circumstances, out of Kai. Kai was at that point where everything is supposed to go silent and slow down so he can die and see some sort of noble death cinema thing. But it didn't happen that way. Life was confusing. The Harvest Goddess was a lousy director anyways. And then, Gotz suddenly stopped. Kai saw a big drop, he wondered why he wasn't falling, then he remembered, stupid net. It looked like there was nothing supporting him, then there was. It kinda freaked him out. On a completely different note, he realized that fists weren't bashing him to very soft, easily swalloable things. He wondered about this, then he thought that he should look and see. It never occurred to him to turn over. Then it did. What he did see was Jack's smiling face. Jack usually smiled, when his life wasn't threatened. Jack let two words out of his mouth. At least, it seemed like two words, Kai didn't know about apostrophes.
"I'm smart."
Kai looked at him as in a daze.
"Sit down Kai, I can explain everything."
Kai sat down extraordinarily fast.
"I have solved your problem."
Kai couldn't say he was sad, but this was Jack's solution, and it hadn't gone wrong, yet.
"I thought about your problem for a bit, then I realized that you didn't have to kill Barley."
Again, Kai couldn't say he was sorry.
"I thought about it and I wondered, what would Popuri like best from Kai? The answer was, your life. I drove you to suicide then caught you in this net. All you need to do is tell Popuri that you fell and weren't caught, but somehow survived, she will think that you almost killed yourself because of her, then she will ditch Barley, and she will go into your arms and everything will just be happy. Gotz didn't want my plan to work, so he tried to beat you up. This is only a benefit, as now it looks like you DID fall from the cliff."
Kai looked on at Jack. Had Jack done something smart?
Apparently.
It worked, Kai didn't question it, but as soon as he climber back up the cliff, looking beaten up, Popuri said a bunch of feminine stuff about how she was sorry, and how she didn't know Kai cared that much. Then she looked at him with that dreamy look and sighed. All was right with the world, or was it? Of course it was. That is, until Won came along.
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Jus' let it build.

This topic must live hence...
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Rivals
A FOMT Fanfic, by yours truly
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Won had come.
"Jack, you do realize that I have a legal representative ready to sue you on account of many different tangents including but not limited to problem solving, without a license, psychological counseling, and walking, again, without a license."
"Won, I beat you, and I think you know it."
"Oh? Allow me to introduce you to my lawyer."
Zack came in, he began flexing his muscles. Anime sweat drops abounded on Jack's face. Yet, Jack knew something. There was one thing he could always rely on. That was Rick, and his ability to take the blame.
"You do realize that this is all Rick's fault, right?"
"Rick, what does he have to do with it?"
"Obviously he forced me to do his bidding, under the threat of death, by chicken."
"Reall? Well... if that's the case, then I suppose I can sue him for every penny he's got- er, talk with him."
And Won and Zach walked away.
Jack was smart.
Kai was dumbfounded.
"Jack, did you really do all this?"
"Yes, now I will call Harris on Won and Won will leave Mineral town."
"And you are sure this will work?"
"Absolutely. Won will be worried about legal action, and the fact remains, I beat him, up until now, he thought that I was an idiot. By this whole scheme, I have eliminated Won from the island."
"OK, Jack, I think that is enough, I think its time respect was shown where the actual solution came from."
A mysterious voice interjected itself. Stupid mysterious voice.
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Finally, Butter stops leaving us on one cliff, to hang us on another. As for my inactivity, I can blame it on the politicians... And I will have a prologue, Godfather style, just for Zinovia, or maybe because its convenient, either way...
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Rivals
A FOMT Fanfic, by yours truly
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Jack knew the gig was up. The voice turned out to be... No, as a matter of fact, well, actually... Yes, it was Gotz.
Kai was confused. He wanted explanation, now. But he didn't get it. Because that might be predictable, and I've already filled that quota for this chapter. Kai stood in the dark. And he continued to do so, until some smart guy turned on the lights. It was Jack. He was always being smart in odd little ways. Very odd ways. Kai now stood in the light, and he waited for Gotz's response. Again it didn't come. Kai was a bit disappointed. He continued to be confused until the suspense built up enough so that it wouldn't seem predictable to lay off the plot.
"So you want to know how I did it, eh?"
"Er, yeah, kinda..."
"Well, I had to think, and then it dawned on me. The cliff. It had been so needed and yet, suicide, it was the only reasonable way to show that you would give your life for Popuri. So, I was only a bit of the force that drove you to it. Yet, I knew that that alone would not drive Won off the island. That is where Jack comes in. He is essentially the islander with the most brain damage, hence, if the most stupid guy could drive Won off, he would consider Mineral Town ful of geniuses and he would know that he couldn't swindle them. Now Barley is going to want a refund, you can now live in peace, and I think your wedding should begin in about... 35 minutes."
Kai panicked. All had been fixed, yet he still panicked. 35 minutes, he had to steal a ring from somewhere, get dressed, and make sure Barley stayed in the hospital. He had hurried from a threat to an imminent danger. Figures. But this isn't really important. He finally stole a ring from Saibara, only hearing something about the harvest sprites from Gotz on his way out. He hadn't taken back his flour. He didn't care. If he didn't show up all proper for this, he wouldn't need to worry about flour. It would probably be the next thing dumped over his head by Popuri. Being late for his wedding. But, he somehow didn't. The ring was hastily set into place, and he was in full suit and tie, and somehow he was ready, as the procession started, and Carter made sure none of his wounds from the Goddess were showing.
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No,I'm lazy, but it will get interesting. I just hate being predictable.
TO BE CONTINUED!!!

Drat, Zinovia skipped over me, good thing I have the perfect ending... Or maybe its too cruel...
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Rivals
A FOMT Fanfic, by yours truly
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And so, Kai finally got what he had wanted all this time. A wedding. He beamed as he walked up the aisle. He was happy, happiness was good. Unless it led to a train of thought that might have been sad. Eh, he was happy now. Ever since he had first come to Mineral Town, he had anted to do this. And so he finally did. He was going to marry Popuri, and he approached the altar. And Carter began the whole train.
"And, do you, Kai, take Popuri..."
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Saibara was angry. Popuri didn't like him. That was a big bit of why he wasn't going to the wedding. He had resisted the fad. He wasn't going. And he wouldn't-
Suddenly, he heard a tap at the window. He went over and looked out. He saw nothing. That was good. Or was it, maybe Popuri had come crying back. Maybe. But probably not. He went back and sat down, thinking of ways to use his hammers violently, when he heard that annoying tap sound again. He ignored it, it must've been the eleventh time today. He continued to sit, and drink his coffee, when he heard another tap, but it was a bit louder. And it was coming from the ceiling. He looked up. What he saw was a tad surprising. It was also very confusing. There were hundreds of cartons of gallons of ink. He wondered about this for a second, then released that they all were balanced by a lever which could be offset by pulling a string. Then he saw that the string led outside. He panicked. But he didn't panic for long, because those hundreds of galloons soon headed toward their destination, him and all his wordly posessions. And as Saibara yelled and cursed, Staid snuck away, snickering.
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Godfather > A lot of stuff
TO BE CONTINUED!!
Do not be under the illusion it is over...

Oh, and on topic, nice fic N2G, but I will not be outdone!
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Rivals
A FOMT Fanfic, by yours truly
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And so, the extremely romantic scene with the wedding and all that really romantic bosh took place. Kai was happy, Popuri was happy, they both had tears from their happiness, and all that stuff. Yet, the harvest sprites still had to work their magic.
Carter slowly and methodically spoke to Popuri, because that is what he did, being a preacher and all.
"And do you, Popuri..."
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Barley wasn't all to happy, Won had let him down. Won wouldn't give him a rebate either. Won wouldn't even let him borrow five bucks to pay for the parking fees, which, incidently, also went to him. Won was bad. Barley should've seen it, but there was the offer of a hot babe, with pink hair. How easily he was seduced. Yet, he almost had her. Almost, if Jack hadn't interfered. Jack, maybe he was the source of the problem. Jack got Kai out of it. He hated Kai, yes, but Kai won, through subterfuge. Yet, the source of the subterfuge had to be eliminated, and with that, he needed to do something. Yes, something. The first vision that entered Barley's head involved a fully charged mythril axe. Hitting things with hard and often sharp objects solved more problems than you might expect. It had solved many problems before its time.Yes, it was time to be stupid and uncivilized and resort to violence to solve his problems. And with that, he picked up a cow bell and prepared to pound Jack's face in with it.


Then he opened the door, and there was the Kappa, staring him down.
"Chef sent me."
What followed were things not fit for small children to see. However, Barley mysteriously and ominously received a bright red coat of paint the next day on his house. May liked it. It was very bright, but after a few days, it began attracting flies. Barley wasn't very happy being in a wheelchair.
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Carter's long, monotonous voice continued to convey the mood of the wedding.
"For better and for worse..."
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Zack was thoroughly enjoying himself. Hitting things, and lifting heavy objects, and doing things that a two-year old with severe brain trauma could do. He liked that. He wasn't smart, he didn't pretend to be. That was why Won did all his thinking for him, albeit, at a price. Thinking was hard work. Won only charged... uh... Zack began to count on his fingers. After about five seconds, he ran out of fingers and began to draw lines on the sand. Soon he ran out of sand. He hoped he was bad at math. Although, he really was. Then he remembered he was refferring to platinum pieces, and he began to panic. He hated mondays. Then he saw Bold, and Bold's Magical Fantastic Worry Be Gone device. From this distance it looked like a ... a...
And then, Zack stopped worrying, as something big and hard hit his head. It hurt, but he didn't really think about that, as he rolled into unconsciousness. He then experienced the joys of crutches for the next two months. He especially like putting them on people's feet, then suddenly shifting his weight. And he was a bit heavy, what with those pharmecutical enhancements and all.
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"Through sickness, or through health..."
Then, suddenly, Carter was interrupted. It was over the intercom. Kai looked up.
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Won had been given a piece of paper. He had been told to read it, under the promise that he would be given large sums of money. He looked at it, and it looked completely harmless. And as he looked at it, he took the microphone and blasted it over the entire church, and some of the surrounding buildings.
"Er, Hello, this is Won, and I am Sofa King Wee Todd Ed. " Then, he caught Chef laughing at him.
"What? It isn't like I am different or anything, I just happen to be Sofa King Wee Todd Ed!"

Chef continued to giggle.
"Ok, look, the facts are straight, I am, in fact, Sofa King Wee Todd Ed, that's it...." Then Won caught on. And he had forgotten to turn off the mike. Wealth had obscured his thinking. He pondered what he had just told every resident in Mineral Town. Then he decided to stop thinking about it. It was too painful. He thought of throttling Chef, but he had Nappy and Timid with him. Those sprites knew what they were doing. There was only one alternative, he could run. And that was what he did. And as he ran past the church, he heard laughtert, and it tore him up. And then he pulled out his machine gun, and prepared to make them pay for their foolishness. Won had bought his AK 47 for self-defense, well this was self-defense, of his ego. And with that, he pulled the trigger, and he anticipated a lot of screaming.

Instead, he heard a click of an empty magazine, figures, he wasted all the ammo in target practice. He continued to run, he finally got to the beach. And he saw Aqua.
"Don't worry, Won, I'm here to help you!"
"Er..."
Won took the help. He climbed in and began sailing out of there.
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"You may now kiss the bride."
And Kai did what he had dreamt of doing for so many nights, he lifted Popuri's veil, and kissed her. And it was on the lips. And stop being a pervert.
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Won was escaping. He really was. Then, something came over the intercom, it sounded strangely like his voice. It was saying:
"Er, Hello, this is Won, and I am Sofa King Wee Todd Ed. "
He nearly screamed with anger. Then it began repeating itself.
"I am Sofa King Wee Todd Ed. I am Sofa King Wee Todd Ed. I am Sofa King Wee Todd Ed. "
It went on and on, like a broken record. Won ouldn't take the hit to his ego. He finally screamed aloud in anguish.
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And Chef appreciated that scream. He always enjoyed the intangible benefits of his job. Give, and ye shall receive threefold.
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FIN!
THE END!!!!
Yeah, now for something else. Thoughts?